but I know better
I’ll simply shatter
and fall again.
Speed and synch
Press a button
Frame my dreams
Black and white
Snap a photo
Despair is waking up another day
still wearing the same suit of skin,
unable to tear myself away from me
while the world presses down on my back;
a guilty conscience that won’t give respite,
breaking every bone of my spine with relish.
I hear it, one crack at a time, bending ever lower.
Wake up, you failed son of a bitch, wake up,
time’s a wasting, the world doesn’t care,
soon enough you’ll be dead like the rest.
I wish pain could flow like a river,
and wash me away.
That which haunts me
whispers your name.
It is no mere temptation
that drives me astray.
Like dust on my sleeve
I shall wipe you away without care
Not even looking behind
To find where you lay dead.
Every time I wake up electrons dance in my mind, spark of thoughts, spark of life. Atoms made me, will they unmake me? One by one, a piece is formed, as consciousness is again reborn. There is a sensation, that first moment when life is a Descartian concept: I wake up, I realize, I am. I am. It is not the calm before the storm, it is the seconds, the minutes, the flirting of an hour, stretching endlessly, somewhere in my mind where Time is more than a concept, but an action: entropy will have its due, one atom at a time. The ceiling is a faithful companion to my eyes. I count each time I blink, one, two, three, five, twenty, a camera shutter whose only film is atoms of memory. Click, click, click. My body is unmoving, in a zen-like peace; there in the shores of sleep, I tussled with the waves of dream and discomfort, until I arrived to this snuggled shore, and made a home for my body, the temple of my soul. Atoms form the puzzle that I am, which ones carry the part that feels how the ebb of Time is gently flowing as I stare up to the ceiling, counting each time I blink, letting the seconds stretch on without end. My body will soon stir, atoms dancing within me and around me, time to rise. I am awake.