Despair is waking up another day
still wearing the same suit of skin,
unable to tear myself away from me
while the world presses down on my back;
a guilty conscience that won’t give respite,
breaking every bone of my spine with relish.
I hear it, one crack at a time, bending ever lower.
Wake up, you failed son of a bitch, wake up,
time’s a wasting, the world doesn’t care,
soon enough you’ll be dead like the rest.
I wish pain could flow like a river,
and wash me away.
That which haunts me
whispers your name.
It is no mere temptation
that drives me astray.
Like dust on my sleeve
I shall wipe you away without care
Not even looking behind
To find where you lay dead.
Every time I wake up electrons dance in my mind, spark of thoughts, spark of life. Atoms made me, will they unmake me? One by one, a piece is formed, as consciousness is again reborn. There is a sensation, that first moment when life is a Descartian concept: I wake up, I realize, I am. I am. It is not the calm before the storm, it is the seconds, the minutes, the flirting of an hour, stretching endlessly, somewhere in my mind where Time is more than a concept, but an action: entropy will have its due, one atom at a time. The ceiling is a faithful companion to my eyes. I count each time I blink, one, two, three, five, twenty, a camera shutter whose only film is atoms of memory. Click, click, click. My body is unmoving, in a zen-like peace; there in the shores of sleep, I tussled with the waves of dream and discomfort, until I arrived to this snuggled shore, and made a home for my body, the temple of my soul. Atoms form the puzzle that I am, which ones carry the part that feels how the ebb of Time is gently flowing as I stare up to the ceiling, counting each time I blink, letting the seconds stretch on without end. My body will soon stir, atoms dancing within me and around me, time to rise. I am awake.
With these eyes
I hope to see
behind your face
inside your self
that secret place
you hold so close
true to your heart
beloved of mine
open your eyes
so that you can see
I’m standing here
under the sun.
Wish you were here my older self
to see the things that I’ve seen
when I was you before being me
walking down the cobbled streets
leaning on the creaking memories
listening to the noises of yesterday
that tell me someone used to live here
now only echoes grow here
their shadows embrace me
like old lovers that I once knew
their faces a blur and a kiss
I wish I could say their names
but my lips drips forgetfulness
it’s my curse and my sin
walking down these windy streets
trying to put together the way for me
so we don’t trip on that rock called regret
that still follows me wherever I trod
hounding my steps
I just wish you were here with me
to keep me some company
waiting for the sun to kiss the dawn sky
letting night off the hook
and all the stars blink out
I’ll just keep walking
Until I see you again.